|
|
Thursday, December 23, 2004
I honestly hate this holiday. I see no point in pretending to be cheerful for a few idiotic weeks in which we all do our best to spend our money on useless crap that other people don't need, only to hope that we get better, more expensive crap in return.
Have you ever noticed that it's only during the Christmas season that people actually start to care about the poor and the homeless? Look, I'm not talking about your Joe Voulenteer who's into this stuff every day of the year, but your normal person. You do not see many people tossing coins into collection pots at any time of the year but this time.
We're all hypocrites is what we are. We pretend that we're doing a good thing for the less fortunate, but what it really is a is a clever ploy to help ourselves look better in the eyes of people we know. If we donate more than our neighbors do, we can assume a 'Holier than Thou' complex. I flatter myself that I'm not a hypocrite like that- I don't give a damn, and I don't pretend to give a damn.
Before you decide that this is turning into another 'Lewyn pats himself on the back' session, I know I have my faults, and many of them. I'm ruthless, I'm a murderer, I'm a cold hearted bastard...say what you will, I don't give a damn, as I said before. But I'm not hiding it behind a mask like so many people are. I have digressed so much.
Ah, yes. Back to topic. I hate how this holiday is so commercialized- it's all about buying things and seeing who can amass more utterly useless junk. It's deplorable, and does not speak well at all for the years of this world that are to come. Not well at all.
</rant>
Posted at 10:11 pm by Nighthawk
Friday, November 26, 2004
Happy Turkey Genocide Day, everyone.
Yes, I know I'm a day late in those greetings, but who cares. A. made me hang around with her family for about five minutes yesterday, and trust me, five minutes was all I can stand. They're nutters, all of them. As for Veradan, I have to admit that he got the worst of it, for he was made to linger at that nuthouse all day. Do I feel sorry for him? Not especially.
After A.'s thanksgiving nightmare, I went back to my own manor for the harvest ball and feast and such, and Mara informs me that I made something of an ass out of myself by getting drunk towards the end. Fortunately by that time it was only a few close friends who lingered, all of whom were as drunk as I was. Well, that is something to be thankful for, then.
Nothing much here to report, I'm afraid, but I thought I would update anyway. I hope all of you had wonderful, and potentially deadly, thanksgivings! Posted at 11:51 am by Nighthawk
Sunday, November 14, 2004
And, no, I'm not going to even bother making up some excuse as to why I haven't said anything in months. Go die. I couldn't care less.
Right. So, I've joined Amanda in her new obsession and have been looking into my faerie heritage. By all accounts I should be a drunken lout who likes to steal children. Or perhaps I'm only buying into the propaganda with that statement.
No, this isn't some Changeling the Dreaming stunt being pulled here, so do not even bother to suggest it. No, I'm not Tinkerbell. No, I'm not Otherkin. And get your damn iron away from me, for the last time!
This entry has been deemed completely useless, but at least it will get me back in the habit of posting. Too bad there is no longer Marden's class to post in, hmm?
Damn the world, and have a lovely day!
Posted at 02:24 pm by Nighthawk
Saturday, September 25, 2004
10 September, 1351
A fair exchange, they call it. A fair exchange?! My freedom in return for paltry gold? I understand that Lords Hawk and Sarin need the money badly, but I do not understand why I must be the price for it. What want could the king have in me?
Sarin barely stopped himself from crying when he heard the news. He did not show it, of course, but I could sense it. I will miss him. I embraced him before I left, but barely glanced at Hawk. I do not know how I know it, but I feel in my heart that the next time we meet, my eyes will be lifeless.
My heart is heavy, as are the steel clouds above me, and passing through this forest I suddenly feel more at home than I have in years, and yet more solemn. A homecoming, this journey appears, but not a joyful one in the least. I only wish I knew what all these unexplained feelings mean.
I have a week's worth of traveling to look forward to, if I am not waylaid, and I doubt I can press Veritas much further and hasten us both. In any case, we will be passing too close to Overbrook for my comfort. If I see my father again, I do not know what I will do...
A week, then! Another week that passes by swifter than we can judge. Aye, and I don't have many weeks left. My dream came to me again, my nightmare. I will not live past 25, I know it for a sureity. The least I can do, then, is to make sure that I am immortalized in what time I have. And by my gods, I will do it. Posted at 09:07 pm by Nighthawk
Thursday, September 02, 2004
A. is off on her tangent, so I might as well go off on one of my own as well. I just managed to amuse myself greatly by finding one of my old journals...and from old, I mean from about 1350. For my own amusement, and for that of the reader as well, I'll now present a series of exerpts from them. Have fun.
5 October, 1349
Today marks the fifth year of my apprenticeship to Lords Hawk and Sarin. It also marks my fifteenth birthday. I daresay that they have no idea what my day of birth is, for they have never asked, and I've never told. I guess I'm supposed to feel lonely or sad or something of the sort- after all, it's my birthday and nobody's made mention of it. But I never had a celebration in the villiage either, so it's not something I miss much.
Hawk called me into his study today for the usual lectures. "Study more, read more, write less, get your head out of the clouds boy!" I tried to give my usual rant in return: "I don't want to be sucked into this bottomless pit of dark magic!" But Hawk never hears me out the way Sarin does, which I suppose is a good thing. I'm sick of hearing myself talk anyway. He looked at me for a long moment, then sighed. "Your clothes are getting too small and shabby for you, boy. As soon as we have enough money, I'll send for a tailor."
Enough money. That's a laugh. The king barely gives us enough to allow us to eat, much less get decent clothing. These scraps that I have now I've had since I was twelve. If only Hawk were the court necromancer, then we could afford some fine things, I'm sure!
Sarin stopped me in the hall this morning, looking for a long, hard moment at my ear. I thought he had gone completely insane until I realized that I had given myself a series of peircings last week, and had forgotten to hide them this morning. Fortunately, he only sighed and muttered something about how I would be held accountable if the wounds went bad. I knew that already, Sarin, I don't need to be reminded.
In other news, Sarin has barricaded himself into his room this afternoon and will probably refuse to come out for days, as usual. I really do wonder what's going on in there at times like this.
Studies are going badly; I just can't manage to conjure up a substantial dead person. Spirits I'm quite fine with, but corperal things? They should really just give up on me and hand me over to a gypsy band or something. If not for the fact that I hate walking, I would make all of us much merrier to be away from each other!
Posted at 09:46 pm by Nighthawk
Sometimes it's hard to pretend to be something that you had no idea you were pretending to be in the first place.
I mean, you go through your whole life thinking that you're one thing, then suddenly discover that it's rather different than that. For example: Thinking for fifteen years of your life that you're completely and utterly (albiet odd) human, then finding out you're really a faery. Sorry to inform you, but you're a pixie! You should sprout wings just about...now.
Which actually comes dangeroulsy close to what I'm talking about, if you think about it. Even if you don't really think about it. Whatever, I'm not even going to touch upon that subject.
Why can I not reveal what I'm saying? Well, one, I'm not entirely sure myself yet of whether I am or not. Lemme say that I'm 99.9% sure, but I don't want to chance it and make a total ass of myself. Two, most of my friends who read this little section of cyberspace know exactly who's writing it, and a good two out of three of you would think me completely mad and probably disown me. With the small circle of friends I have, I'm not ready to chance that. And three? Right now I'm only seeing the little picture, and some major details are still up in the air, even though I'm narrowing it down. I'd rather not say a thing until I'm entirely certain.
As worrisome and tiring as this latest intrigue has been, it's explained quite a bit to me about well...myself. Now I have good reason to think that I'm not as insane as I thought. I mean, thousands of people can't be insane about the same thing, can they?
Don't answer that.
But, honestly. Now I have a good explination why I've always felt so damn Homesick all the time, even while sitting in my own room. And the fact of the double memories at times...the incessent deja vu, the weird dreams... Whoo! And I have one person who has similar experiences at me that I knew prior to looking this stuff up. Nice.
All in all, it's been a whacked out time, and I hope you'll bear with my fluctuating mental state for a while.
Oh, and if anyone understood the above rant (which is by A, by the way, Lewyn is taking a while off to deal with his children) then please contact me. Thanks...
(if you really wanna know what's going on, then contact me to, I guess. Just don't ridicule me, please.)
Posted at 08:36 pm by Nighthawk
Monday, August 02, 2004
Well. I do realize that I have been absent for quite some time, but I have a reason for it! A.'s computer is on the blink, and while she was trying to fix it, I managed to slip away and go home for a while. I have been called back now, but A. assures me that I can leave for Traconia soon in light of some...interesting...circumstances.
My wife is with child. Sarin is in hysterics, Hawk is threatening to jump off the roof, Drayton is sulking, and I am in a perpetual state of just o.o-ness. This is going to be our second, and Mara is constantly reminding me that 'at least this one will know his/her father!'. Nothing like inducing guilt early in the morning, eh?
I must say that I, for one, am excited about this. I do believe my son couldn't care less; besides, he is too busy hunting for girls in his spare time. Correction: ALL of the time.
I had better wrap up this entry, since A. is calling me. One final thing before I go...does anyone know of any decent names for children?!
Posted at 10:46 am by Nighthawk
Wednesday, July 14, 2004
Seek not for me,
When the red sun dawns,
For I shall be long gone.
Don’t look for me,
When the shadows grow long,
My heart no longer dwells in the fields.
Silence is my speech,
And solitude my companion,
This place holds no beauty for me now.
Look not for me
When the snow falls fresh,
The coldness grows too deep.
The forests of my youth
Are vacant, for now
The trees are too bare to hide me.
The Plains are my home now,
The Plains of mist and fog,
Of cold and despair.
Called home by the
Sad, sweet music of the
Skeleton’s flute…
I linger in this place
Feeling the bite of the blade
And living every moment in Death…
Do not look for me
When the dawn comes. I have long since fled this life.
(Yes, it is copyrighted) Posted at 09:00 pm by Nighthawk
Tuesday, July 13, 2004
My apologies for not having been on in ages. My suspicions were correct....A. was trying to kill me.
Oh, and I have proof of it too, so HA! She took me to New York City, showed me around her favorite haunts...and promptly left me there. It took me a full two weeks to figure out how to buy train tickets and get back!
And then A. has the audacity to propose that I was the one who wandered away from her and got lost. Oooooooh, authors and their egos....
In other news...well, there is no other news. I got to live at the Plaza in New York for a while. And, no, I am not wealthy, I just have more money than most people. My, that contradicted itself...
Well, anyway, my pets, more about my city adventure later. She's taking me to New York City again tomorrow to go see Phantom of the Opera, or something like that. Very well, I'll try to endure.
Listening to: Nemo- Nightwish
Posted at 01:46 pm by Nighthawk
Monday, June 21, 2004
I think A. is trying to kill me.
I'm serious! It is not just paranoia this time...
She's out of school for, what, five minutes? and already she's insisting on dragging me into the sun.
I BURN, GENIUS! There is a distinct REASON why my skin is snow white!
....the girl has it in for me....
Um, right, anyway. Yes. School. Dastardly institution that it is, it's finally out, and now I can look forward to Gotham Radio 24/7, since I still need assistance in operating WinAmp. Whatever. I fail to see how computers are going to aid me in my goal of world domina- er, helping the poor.
Gods above (and below), I'm easily distracted today. Maybe it was that green stuff I drank before...
Is that cat going into death convulsions, or is it just me? Wonderful...simply wonderful...
Ah! I watched Salem's Lot last night, and went into hysterics. Brilliantly funny, the best comedy I've seen all...it wasn't a comedy? Well, there goes my sense of humor...
I've also started posting on a UFO & Alien message board on AOL. It's quite fun, really. They're much more accepting than the Goth board. I can't believe I just said that...I'm the KING of unaccepting. Yes, it really is that green stuff....*cough* no, I'm not an absinthe addict...
All right. This entry was completely and utterly useless. Lewyn out.
Currently Playing: Sirenia- Star-Crossed
Posted at 07:24 am by Nighthawk
|
|
|
